Yes, lets pay attention to this, because rest of our issues like terrorism and energy crisis don't exist

Unremarkable

I dissolve in the crowds
Blending and conforming
At first look
Nothing sets me apart

Closed off eyes
Open mind
Connected soul
But most still won't find the way to my heart 

Micropoetry

Suckers and fuckers
Perverts and sex demons
And roadside truckers

Raping eyes, lascivious grins
Shredded souls
Beasts within

Thoda Dikhao, Thoda Chupao

Last week on some random night I ended up watching television a little later than my usual timing because of my perpetual state of ennui and imagine my surprise when I settled in to watch a movie only to find that I was unable to hear half of the words in most of the dialogues. 

I could contend with that cause it's happened before, but what I couldn't deal with was the random fade-to-black moments, the complete skipping of some scenes and (here's where things get absolutely ridiculous) a translucent rectangle floating over a woman's chest!

Granted, the woman was supposedly a stripper and the movie was one from the 'American Pie' series, but still it's the principle of the thing.

Here's a list of things that make our television viewing experience seem like a trip down an Alzheimer patient's memory lane:

(Next few paragraphs may contain profanity or some other shit like that; if you affiliate with the RSS or the Shiv Sena please fuck off right now lest I offend your sabhya, satvik sensibilities)

·        Cut The Kiss

Apparently, the censor board has a misconception that seeing people kiss on television will make us nymphomaniacs, so they came up with the brilliant idea of cutting out all kissing scenes from the English movies.

And they don’t generally remove a scene, what they do is focus on the sides of the frame rather than the scene playing inside it.

The result- a frame full of hair!

Why would I watch that? Why??

·        Play It Slow Baby

One particular channel has found the perfect solution to fade-to-black: slow down the playback, skip the scene and then resume playing at the same speed as if nothing happened.

Makes me wonder if they’re telecasting pirated CDs.

Pitiful, just pitiful.

·        I Swear I Won’t Swear

This is so bloody common that most of us don’t even notice it anymore. There are certain words that can’t be spoken on television and radio, actually seven of them, but according to our Broadcast Ministry, there are a hundred or so.

So, what they do is they either replace these words with gentle on the ears euphemisms or they skip them altogether. Not even a beep or anything, just a blank moment where once a word resided (clear disregard of the space-time continuum).

I don’t see how a Ned Flanders style swearing will keep people away from the real thing.

I mean, I still know ‘crap’ means ‘shit’, ‘heck’ means ‘hell’ and ‘gosh darn’ means ‘god damn’ and I do use these words occasionally so what’s the point of changing them?

·        Dhumrpan Varjit Hai

A television channel can’t show a person smoking a cigarette and hence use the aforementioned translucent, floating rectangle to hide them.

So following this norm, when they decided to show an item number from a movie, they were fine with everything from the short ghaghra-type thing and the non-existent choli that the actress was wearing but there was a weird thing obscuring the cigarettes that people were taking puffs from.

Does that mean it’s not right to smoke but it’s perfectly fine to wear such stuff in public?

What I can’t wrap my head around is why does the Broadcast Ministry allow the channels to show such movies?

If you think that the audience isn’t mature enough to handle things like swearing, smoking, snogging and shagging then don’t telecast shows or movies that contain these. 

In a bid to seem open-minded and forward, we broadcast such material but then our hypocrisy rears it’s head in the form of cuts and snips and blanks.

So, either you’re willing to accept that the public knows all this and telecast everything in it’s entirety or you admit that such things make you cringe and don’t show them at all.

The choice is all yours.

Because hypocrisy will lead us nowhere.

iRec 1.0

Hello Fair, Few and Far in Between Readers!!

Today, instead of a post written by me, I will be providing you with a link to an article that had me chortling and cringing in equal measure. It's by someone named  Daniel DMello

He comes up with some seriously sarcastic and witty barbs and while you realize that they're true and you have used most of these words or phrases, you can't help but laugh at the way he presents them.

So, have a look but try not to be offended.

After all, we're like this only yaar!

Just chill ;)

PS- almost forgot to attach the link.. here it is:

http://www.cnngo.com/mumbai/life/10-more-classic-indianisms-500374

Time Travel Made Easy!

As a kid, I used to read a lot of science fiction and as many of you may know, this particular genre of literature has an affinity, nay obsession with time travel.


Be it the 'machine on the inside, body builder on the outside' sent from the future, buck-naked i might add (apparently clothes require more sophisticated technology), or the reluctant teenager sent into the past where he endangers his very existence, travelling through the murky waters of the fourth dimension has always captured everyone's attention.


And, like everything related to science, they expect it to be difficult to the point of being impossible..
What they never realize is that they do this extremely daunting scientific act every day.


As we look back at our days, thinking about that surprise party we got some years ago, the way our friends reacted to that major faux pas we made that they can't seem to get over and every moment that we deem worthy of being cherished, we travel back in time to it; if not in body then in psych.


It's not as difficult as the scientists make it out to be.
Trust me, I do it all the time.




PS- Living in the past is not the healthiest of habits.  Though a little a regression never hurt anyone, the present is where we've gotta be.
So, time travel responsibly!

Uff Ye Kudiyan Bhi Na!

I recently read an article about how influential, educated people accuse women of "enticing" men to the point of unbearable lust which makes them incapable of rational thought and give up moral concerns leading to the said woman being raped.

I agree, it’s the woman's fault. How dare she do what she wants, when she wants and how she wants?

That's just immoral, i tell you! 

And what's up with the clothes? There's no need to wear jeans, skirts, tops, shirts, salwar-kameez or any other form-fitting clothes that make them look good, when a burkha is capable of doing all the work and keeps you safe too.

Also, why do they even venture out of the house when men can take care of their every need? They should just stay in and do what the mighty men ask them to do.

And the driving! Oh, don't get me started on that! They drive crappy and that too on the main roads at night.. The Horror! 

That's just asking for trouble.

How, i ask, how is any "sane, hot-blooded, man" going to resist the temptation of pouncing on her when she's so clearly asking for it by driving around at midnight, as she comes back from working hard all day, in those "shameless" western clothes?

The only way to stop rapes is to keep a check on the actions of the possible victims, not the would-be rapists. Duh!

After all, it's much easier to control what women do than what men may attempt to do.

So let's all drape our women in swaddling clothes, lock them up, take away their rights and call ourselves Saudi Arabia.

PS: Going by this line of thought, we should also give all our money to charity and live like beggars, cause that's bound to stop robberies, no?

Dilli meri jaan (le ke rahegi)

Delhi.

Just one word and still capable of rousing a plethora of feelings, emotions and visuals in most Indians or more specifically, the Delhiites. I can tell you all about how “glorious” and “cultured” this city of ours is, but then again, anyone who has lived here long enough (my definition of enough being really flexible) would brand me a liar. And to be honest, they wouldn’t be entirely wrong either.

Being a part of a family that has lived in Delhi for around 60 years, I have had many people tell me about how wonderful Delhi is and I used to be one of the loyal Delhiphiles till I actually started reading the newspaper.  It was then that I found out that not only was this city the Political Capital, but also the Crime Capital of our country. It confused me at first, for it didn’t really merge with the pictures that were painted and the anecdotes that were fed to us as children.

This city of rape, robberies and reckless behaviour wasn’t the one where my grandparents found refuge, where my parents were born and where I spent half of my childhood. This wasn’t the city they loved and it definitely wasn’t their Delhi. This, regretfully, is my Delhi. And believe me, it’s one heck of a specimen.

Here are some of the aspects of living in the hustle and bustle of Powerful Delhi rather than Starry Mumbai or Intellectual Calcutta or any other metro.

·         Free Vocabulary Lessons

So what if you’re stuck in a traffic jam? I know you’re getting late but hey, you can’t give up on an opportunity to learn something new. Delhi people stuck anywhere will yell the most profane of profanities, that too with such speed and command over diction that you’re left wondering when they’ll do us a favour and become Professors of Cussing.

Languages taught include- Hindi, Punjabi, English and sometimes a strange combination of the three.

·        The State of Matter

Get inside the Delhi Metro and you’ll see exactly how atoms are packed inside a solid. Don’t get me wrong, the metro is a boon and a big one at that, but sometimes it does get a little too jam-packed. It is at times like these when you feel close to everyone in a very literal (and irritating) way. And that’s just when you’re inside.

Try getting in and you’ll understand the law of inertia. Try getting out and you’ll see the Delhi rendition of the parting of the Red Sea.

·         Genealogy

You know that strange slang question, “Who’s your Daddy baby?”..? Well, we Delhiites have a slightly different version of it- “Who’s my Daddy?”

Example- you have a fight with someone and the first sentence out of their mouth will be “Do you know who my father is ******??”

It sometimes makes me wonder if they’re threatening us or do they really have no idea about their descent.

·         Men

If you’re a girl, over the age of 13 and possess the usual female anatomical paraphernalia then get ready to be leered at. The men here can be worse than a pack of wolves.

And what’s stranger is that at first sight they don’t even look like they’re interested in women, with their pinky-pink muscle shirts and their fingers interlocked with other men. But put a solitary woman in front of them they go from queer to ramrod straight (no pun intended) without a moment’s notice.

Please do remember that this statement is not true for every Delhi male you encounter, but there is an overwhelming majority to whom it refers to.

·         Paid PDA

Now let’s assume you have a lover. You and the said lover go to a garden and sit down. Before you know it, you’re being hauled up by your collar to be abused and thrashed by a cop who couldn’t care less if you were being an exhibitionist or counting the blades of the grass.

He’ll threaten to tell your parents, your neighbors and even your 10^th grade tuition teacher if it makes any difference.

Pay him some money and he’ll grudgingly let you resume your activities. The payment does not guarantee the end of voyeurism though.

Nowhere else does kissing cost so much.

·        The World is your Washroom

Have to pee? Don’t look for public convenience; it’s easier and much more convenient to find a bush, pull out your equipment and just do it. People don’t really care if the smell of ammonia singes others noses or kills off the fishes. “When you gotta go, you gotta go” is the motto here.

Do note that this is applicable to men only. If a woman pulls off a stunt like this, then God save her.

After reading all this, I’m sure it’ll come as a shock when I say that my city has a few good points too.

Delhi has been around since 6^th century BC and has seen many rulers, kings and sultans come and go.  Unlike other cities, Delhi prefers deep absorption rather than just surface adsorbtion achieved by most other cities. It has within itself the incredible city of Indraprasha, the grandeur of the Golden Age, the magnificence of the Mughal era and the rakishness of the Raj. Being the capital of India, Delhi accommodates a large number of immigrants from various states as well as minority community refugees from other countries. All this makes it a vibrant and multicultural city.

Delhi is progressing rapidly with construction going on in every nook and cranny and the major overhaul in public transport. Though for every three steps forward we are pushed two steps back, there is always the satisfaction that at least we’re on the right path.

I am sure after reading most of this you’ll think that I hate Delhi, but it’s the opposite which is true. I love Delhi, but not blindly. I know it has faults like every other city in this world of ours. And the first step in rectifying these faults lies in accepting them and then working for change.

As I said in beginning, this is my Delhi, our Delhi. Therefore, the responsibility to make it better also lies with us.

Be the change you want to see.

Clueless in the Blogosphere

Hello!

If you're reading this, chances are that you already know me but virtual social convention dictates that my first post should be about my various idiosyncrasies which, let's face it, is not the brightest of ideas when it comes to me.

But since I can't seem to think of anything other than an introduction as a starting point, I'll agree to this suggestion.

I'm an adult who still lives with her parents and a student at all times. I'm an engineer and proud to be one. Let's keep the jokes to the maximum on that topic. I am intrigued by the occult as much as I'm charmed by science. I'm rational and crazy. Conservative while dressing up and an absolute liberal with respect to my thinking. In a nutshell, I'm a walking contradiction.

I'm stubborn but open to new thoughts, provided there's logic and rationality behind it. I love to learn, to read, to write and I absolutely adore talking. I ramble, I digress and have a strange fascination for going off on a tangent.

My writing style: Generally whatever you read, either written or recommended by me, is bound to be a humorous take on a serious situation. Sarcasm, irony, hyperbole and alliteration are my best buddies and fucked up grammar is my nemesis.

Books: Anything even remotely interesting, that can rattle me and make me think.

Movies: Seen too many to count. I want to say that I only watch Oscar nominated, intellectual dramas, but I'd be lying cause I've seen quite a few cheesy rom-coms. They're lighthearted and funny! So sue me.

Well, that is all I can think of at this moment.

So, thank you for spending time reading about a random stranger. I appreciate any comments and criticism that you wish to provide along with topics you would like to read about.

Ciao!