Yes, lets pay attention to this, because rest of our issues like terrorism and energy crisis don't exist

Unremarkable

I dissolve in the crowds
Blending and conforming
At first look
Nothing sets me apart

Closed off eyes
Open mind
Connected soul
But most still won't find the way to my heart 

Micropoetry

Suckers and fuckers
Perverts and sex demons
And roadside truckers

Raping eyes, lascivious grins
Shredded souls
Beasts within

Thoda Dikhao, Thoda Chupao

Last week on some random night I ended up watching television a little later than my usual timing because of my perpetual state of ennui and imagine my surprise when I settled in to watch a movie only to find that I was unable to hear half of the words in most of the dialogues. 

I could contend with that cause it's happened before, but what I couldn't deal with was the random fade-to-black moments, the complete skipping of some scenes and (here's where things get absolutely ridiculous) a translucent rectangle floating over a woman's chest!

Granted, the woman was supposedly a stripper and the movie was one from the 'American Pie' series, but still it's the principle of the thing.

Here's a list of things that make our television viewing experience seem like a trip down an Alzheimer patient's memory lane:

(Next few paragraphs may contain profanity or some other shit like that; if you affiliate with the RSS or the Shiv Sena please fuck off right now lest I offend your sabhya, satvik sensibilities)

·        Cut The Kiss

Apparently, the censor board has a misconception that seeing people kiss on television will make us nymphomaniacs, so they came up with the brilliant idea of cutting out all kissing scenes from the English movies.

And they don’t generally remove a scene, what they do is focus on the sides of the frame rather than the scene playing inside it.

The result- a frame full of hair!

Why would I watch that? Why??

·        Play It Slow Baby

One particular channel has found the perfect solution to fade-to-black: slow down the playback, skip the scene and then resume playing at the same speed as if nothing happened.

Makes me wonder if they’re telecasting pirated CDs.

Pitiful, just pitiful.

·        I Swear I Won’t Swear

This is so bloody common that most of us don’t even notice it anymore. There are certain words that can’t be spoken on television and radio, actually seven of them, but according to our Broadcast Ministry, there are a hundred or so.

So, what they do is they either replace these words with gentle on the ears euphemisms or they skip them altogether. Not even a beep or anything, just a blank moment where once a word resided (clear disregard of the space-time continuum).

I don’t see how a Ned Flanders style swearing will keep people away from the real thing.

I mean, I still know ‘crap’ means ‘shit’, ‘heck’ means ‘hell’ and ‘gosh darn’ means ‘god damn’ and I do use these words occasionally so what’s the point of changing them?

·        Dhumrpan Varjit Hai

A television channel can’t show a person smoking a cigarette and hence use the aforementioned translucent, floating rectangle to hide them.

So following this norm, when they decided to show an item number from a movie, they were fine with everything from the short ghaghra-type thing and the non-existent choli that the actress was wearing but there was a weird thing obscuring the cigarettes that people were taking puffs from.

Does that mean it’s not right to smoke but it’s perfectly fine to wear such stuff in public?

What I can’t wrap my head around is why does the Broadcast Ministry allow the channels to show such movies?

If you think that the audience isn’t mature enough to handle things like swearing, smoking, snogging and shagging then don’t telecast shows or movies that contain these. 

In a bid to seem open-minded and forward, we broadcast such material but then our hypocrisy rears it’s head in the form of cuts and snips and blanks.

So, either you’re willing to accept that the public knows all this and telecast everything in it’s entirety or you admit that such things make you cringe and don’t show them at all.

The choice is all yours.

Because hypocrisy will lead us nowhere.

iRec 1.0

Hello Fair, Few and Far in Between Readers!!

Today, instead of a post written by me, I will be providing you with a link to an article that had me chortling and cringing in equal measure. It's by someone named  Daniel DMello

He comes up with some seriously sarcastic and witty barbs and while you realize that they're true and you have used most of these words or phrases, you can't help but laugh at the way he presents them.

So, have a look but try not to be offended.

After all, we're like this only yaar!

Just chill ;)

PS- almost forgot to attach the link.. here it is:

http://www.cnngo.com/mumbai/life/10-more-classic-indianisms-500374

Time Travel Made Easy!

As a kid, I used to read a lot of science fiction and as many of you may know, this particular genre of literature has an affinity, nay obsession with time travel.


Be it the 'machine on the inside, body builder on the outside' sent from the future, buck-naked i might add (apparently clothes require more sophisticated technology), or the reluctant teenager sent into the past where he endangers his very existence, travelling through the murky waters of the fourth dimension has always captured everyone's attention.


And, like everything related to science, they expect it to be difficult to the point of being impossible..
What they never realize is that they do this extremely daunting scientific act every day.


As we look back at our days, thinking about that surprise party we got some years ago, the way our friends reacted to that major faux pas we made that they can't seem to get over and every moment that we deem worthy of being cherished, we travel back in time to it; if not in body then in psych.


It's not as difficult as the scientists make it out to be.
Trust me, I do it all the time.




PS- Living in the past is not the healthiest of habits.  Though a little a regression never hurt anyone, the present is where we've gotta be.
So, time travel responsibly!

Uff Ye Kudiyan Bhi Na!

I recently read an article about how influential, educated people accuse women of "enticing" men to the point of unbearable lust which makes them incapable of rational thought and give up moral concerns leading to the said woman being raped.

I agree, it’s the woman's fault. How dare she do what she wants, when she wants and how she wants?

That's just immoral, i tell you! 

And what's up with the clothes? There's no need to wear jeans, skirts, tops, shirts, salwar-kameez or any other form-fitting clothes that make them look good, when a burkha is capable of doing all the work and keeps you safe too.

Also, why do they even venture out of the house when men can take care of their every need? They should just stay in and do what the mighty men ask them to do.

And the driving! Oh, don't get me started on that! They drive crappy and that too on the main roads at night.. The Horror! 

That's just asking for trouble.

How, i ask, how is any "sane, hot-blooded, man" going to resist the temptation of pouncing on her when she's so clearly asking for it by driving around at midnight, as she comes back from working hard all day, in those "shameless" western clothes?

The only way to stop rapes is to keep a check on the actions of the possible victims, not the would-be rapists. Duh!

After all, it's much easier to control what women do than what men may attempt to do.

So let's all drape our women in swaddling clothes, lock them up, take away their rights and call ourselves Saudi Arabia.

PS: Going by this line of thought, we should also give all our money to charity and live like beggars, cause that's bound to stop robberies, no?