Dilli meri jaan (le ke rahegi)

Delhi.

Just one word and still capable of rousing a plethora of feelings, emotions and visuals in most Indians or more specifically, the Delhiites. I can tell you all about how “glorious” and “cultured” this city of ours is, but then again, anyone who has lived here long enough (my definition of enough being really flexible) would brand me a liar. And to be honest, they wouldn’t be entirely wrong either.

Being a part of a family that has lived in Delhi for around 60 years, I have had many people tell me about how wonderful Delhi is and I used to be one of the loyal Delhiphiles till I actually started reading the newspaper.  It was then that I found out that not only was this city the Political Capital, but also the Crime Capital of our country. It confused me at first, for it didn’t really merge with the pictures that were painted and the anecdotes that were fed to us as children.

This city of rape, robberies and reckless behaviour wasn’t the one where my grandparents found refuge, where my parents were born and where I spent half of my childhood. This wasn’t the city they loved and it definitely wasn’t their Delhi. This, regretfully, is my Delhi. And believe me, it’s one heck of a specimen.

Here are some of the aspects of living in the hustle and bustle of Powerful Delhi rather than Starry Mumbai or Intellectual Calcutta or any other metro.

·         Free Vocabulary Lessons

So what if you’re stuck in a traffic jam? I know you’re getting late but hey, you can’t give up on an opportunity to learn something new. Delhi people stuck anywhere will yell the most profane of profanities, that too with such speed and command over diction that you’re left wondering when they’ll do us a favour and become Professors of Cussing.

Languages taught include- Hindi, Punjabi, English and sometimes a strange combination of the three.

·        The State of Matter

Get inside the Delhi Metro and you’ll see exactly how atoms are packed inside a solid. Don’t get me wrong, the metro is a boon and a big one at that, but sometimes it does get a little too jam-packed. It is at times like these when you feel close to everyone in a very literal (and irritating) way. And that’s just when you’re inside.

Try getting in and you’ll understand the law of inertia. Try getting out and you’ll see the Delhi rendition of the parting of the Red Sea.

·         Genealogy

You know that strange slang question, “Who’s your Daddy baby?”..? Well, we Delhiites have a slightly different version of it- “Who’s my Daddy?”

Example- you have a fight with someone and the first sentence out of their mouth will be “Do you know who my father is ******??”

It sometimes makes me wonder if they’re threatening us or do they really have no idea about their descent.

·         Men

If you’re a girl, over the age of 13 and possess the usual female anatomical paraphernalia then get ready to be leered at. The men here can be worse than a pack of wolves.

And what’s stranger is that at first sight they don’t even look like they’re interested in women, with their pinky-pink muscle shirts and their fingers interlocked with other men. But put a solitary woman in front of them they go from queer to ramrod straight (no pun intended) without a moment’s notice.

Please do remember that this statement is not true for every Delhi male you encounter, but there is an overwhelming majority to whom it refers to.

·         Paid PDA

Now let’s assume you have a lover. You and the said lover go to a garden and sit down. Before you know it, you’re being hauled up by your collar to be abused and thrashed by a cop who couldn’t care less if you were being an exhibitionist or counting the blades of the grass.

He’ll threaten to tell your parents, your neighbors and even your 10^th grade tuition teacher if it makes any difference.

Pay him some money and he’ll grudgingly let you resume your activities. The payment does not guarantee the end of voyeurism though.

Nowhere else does kissing cost so much.

·        The World is your Washroom

Have to pee? Don’t look for public convenience; it’s easier and much more convenient to find a bush, pull out your equipment and just do it. People don’t really care if the smell of ammonia singes others noses or kills off the fishes. “When you gotta go, you gotta go” is the motto here.

Do note that this is applicable to men only. If a woman pulls off a stunt like this, then God save her.

After reading all this, I’m sure it’ll come as a shock when I say that my city has a few good points too.

Delhi has been around since 6^th century BC and has seen many rulers, kings and sultans come and go.  Unlike other cities, Delhi prefers deep absorption rather than just surface adsorbtion achieved by most other cities. It has within itself the incredible city of Indraprasha, the grandeur of the Golden Age, the magnificence of the Mughal era and the rakishness of the Raj. Being the capital of India, Delhi accommodates a large number of immigrants from various states as well as minority community refugees from other countries. All this makes it a vibrant and multicultural city.

Delhi is progressing rapidly with construction going on in every nook and cranny and the major overhaul in public transport. Though for every three steps forward we are pushed two steps back, there is always the satisfaction that at least we’re on the right path.

I am sure after reading most of this you’ll think that I hate Delhi, but it’s the opposite which is true. I love Delhi, but not blindly. I know it has faults like every other city in this world of ours. And the first step in rectifying these faults lies in accepting them and then working for change.

As I said in beginning, this is my Delhi, our Delhi. Therefore, the responsibility to make it better also lies with us.

Be the change you want to see.